6 Strategies To Manage Abuse During COVID
‘SIX – S’ STRATEGIES TO MANAGE DOMESTIC ABUSE AND VIOLENCE DURING COVID TIMES
COVID-19 pandemic and its impact has changed everything globally, be it the way we work, we interact, we travel, we socialize, we engage etc. It is important to remember that humans are wired to socialize for a living unlike other species on earth. Together with it, the recent technological advancements built continued to maintain the social ties with newer avenues for engagement and collaboration in the form of social media platforms over last few years. However, the current crisis is forcing us to socialize extensively in these new ways which we are unaccustomed yet to fulfil the psychological needs.
It was easy to travel to your work and return home thereby having a clear sense of understanding about your professional and personal obligations, responsibilities, expectations, time allocation, energy investment etc. Interestingly, the lockdown and the new social norms of engagement has forced us to don multiple hats at the same time. This has resulted in unravelling the ingredients of our everyday relationships we were harnessing till date. It has challenged us our ability to build effective conversations, practise empathy with others in distress, our coping and problem-solving abilities, parenting practices etc. Thus, it is not surprising to see the increase in domestic abuse and violence both in developing and developed societies across the world.
Domestic abuse and violence are very frequently observed in relationships. In common parlance, mostly domestic violence receives much required focus unlike domestic abuse. The abuse and violence are used particularly for controlling/manipulating the other person in the relationship and they both may coexist or often abuse can be a prequel to domestic violence. Abuse can be of different types: Verbal, Emotional, Sexual and Physical. These behaviours can occur across the age groups, sex, gender, socio-economic strata, educational status, etc. Based on prevalence, women are more often the victims, but men also experience abuse equally, especially verbal and emotional.
SIX Strategies (6S) to manage abuse & violence during lockdown
1. START BY ACKNOWELDGING DISTRESS:
Start by identifying the signs of abuse in the relationship. If you identify any of the below signs; your partner being emotionally numb, excessively critical/demeaning in front of others, frequently being hurt/mistreated by your partner, constantly being corrected or controlled, inability to express your thoughts/feelings for fear of being misinterpreted, constantly invoking guilt for no mistake, your partner being extremely jealous, possessive and constantly checking on you. If any of the red flags are identified, then it is essential to acknowledge the abuse and the resulting distress with in you.
2. SET BOUNDARIES:
Establish clear cut boundaries in a relationship about what all behaviors are acceptable and also communicate consequent course of action to follow if failed to comply. For ex: Speaking obscene language, engaging in physical violence, calling names as non-acceptable behaviors. The underlying guiding principle to set the boundaries is mutual respect. If the partner undermines the mutual respect or engages in any of the unacceptable behaviors, it is important to follow up with the action plan like stop engaging with the partner, leaving the room, terminating the conversation for the time being etc. It is important to set the boundaries realistically and not to set goals which are difficult to practice.
3. SELF CARE:
Take care of yourself. Focus on maintaining physical and psychological hygiene. Eat well regularly, maintain the sleep cycle, hydrate and rest well. Engage in ‘Me time’ – activities which will influence in building positive thoughts and uplift your mood by listening to music, going for a small walk, etc. it is important to understand that managing the rigours of abusive relationship and family responsibilities would drench all the positive energy especially in challenging times like COVID-19.
4. SELF WORTH:
It is imperative to harbour a lot of negative evaluations and feelings towards self because of the amount of blame attributed towards you by your partner. The key to manage this is by understanding the true worth of self and the efforts invested in sustaining the relationship. Try not to criticize only yourself for the outcomes of the relationship, because it is built by two individuals. Embrace your efforts, emotions, investments into the relationship and your identity beyond a relationship. Learn to practice assertiveness and saying ‘NO’ to your partner.
5. STRATEGISE YOUR ACTIONS:
It is important to understand that you cannot change the abusive person unless he/she is prepared for it. To abuse a person is a choice made by the partner and you cannot regulate their actions. Try not to engage with an abusive person, because it will lead to further abuse. Do not apologise for things you did not do and walk away from the situation if the partner shuns their responsibility. It is inevitable to accept that when the relationship becomes toxic, exit is the only way.
6. SUPPORT SYSTEM:
It is very important to talk to someone be it family, friends, or even a counsellor online to understand the distress at times. This would not only give you time away from the abuser but also provide you a perspective about yourself and ways to handle it. Finally, the support system would also help you overcome isolation, guilt and instil a sense of belongingness.
